This is already proving to be a long week. Each day so far (remember, it’s only Tuesday!) has brought with it challenges — the kind that test my ability to stay positive and believe that I’m exactly where I need to be at any given moment.
I’ve been seeing the “ugly” side of working with lots of different personalities (there’s a lot more back-stabbing, gossiping, and nastiness taking place than I ever realized and “CYA” definitely seems to be the most important job strategy being employed in this dog-eat-dog work environment.)
And the drama … between the employees I’ve been working with and the students I attend class with, there just doesn’t seem to be an end to the life problems that I’m being exposed to (stuff that sheltered little ‘ole me has only read about in newspaper reports of local trial proceedings.)
And today I also got to see with my own eyes what happens when you are an employee in the healthcare field and are accused of breaching patient confidentiality. Imagining what it must feel like to be called in to a meeting with the department supervisor and an HR rep to discuss the future of your employment is really beyond my ability. And it scares me to think how innocently it all happened (at least from the employee’s point of view who claimed that the complaint was all a huge misunderstanding and she never passed on the information that she was accused of passing on.)
Did I mention that I was also asked to come in and interview for a job this Thursday?
I question whether the meager paycheck is going to be worth the negative exposure and the stressful day-to-day concerns that will need to be constantly in the forefront of my thoughts. It scares the daylights out of me. And I honestly wonder if I am up to it, can handle it, or should even consider doing this kind of work. Is this what I want my life to be like?
At the same time, I know I need to work. I know I need to contribute to the household income. I know that I should feel totally honored to be invited to interview for a job that so many would be thrilled to have. Especially in this economy.
So what’s the problem?
It just doesn’t feel right. And I’m so tired of living a life that doesn’t feel right.
I need to find a way to believe that I know where I’m going and that it’s where I’m supposed to end up. I guess that’s what faith is.
And right now, I need some faith.
“Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.”
I’m waiting.
